Life Storms are Going to Happen

I don’t know about you, but I just love watching a storm roll in. As it makes its way across the canyon toward me, I feel the pounding power of the thunder in my chest as it rumbles forward. The wind whips my hair across my face and with a laugh I brush it back with my fingers. Goosebumps skittle across my arms and legs as the temperature drops. I watch as the crackling lightning bolts streak toward the ground or race across the sky, blinding me with awe. What an unbridled symphony of power. It is thrilling!

It’s not the same feeling when a child is creating a storm in my life. When I try to control it, it’s like trying to grab the wind and wrestle it into submission. I feel the onslaught of their frustrations as thunder as they pound their hands against a table, the floor, or me. Their crackling screams pierce not only my ears but my heart. And there is no laughter as I shake my head, my hair falling into my face, trying to figure out my next move. Their chilly response to my cajoling only freezes me out. Yeah, kid storms are no fun.

But I have found that not only can we survive, but thrive when these storm clouds begin to billow up deep from within them. Just as a weatherman predicts the patterns of the storm, and what course it is likely to follow, I can put into place a plan to stop the storm, or at least mitigate the effects. Yet, just like with nature, storms can be unpredictable, and so can a child’s behavior. I guess as a “weather-mama” my accuracy can also miss the mark. And when that happens, we must hunker down and let it run its course.

Three tips to help you through a kid storm:

1.      Look for weather patterns. By knowing what causes difficulty for a child, you can head off potential problems by preparing the child with what is going to happen. Then you can work together to brain “storm” options to lessen the effects.

2.      Be prepared. Just like you need to have an umbrella and galoshes for those rainy times, having a survival packet with you that contains a bottle of water, a protein snack, chewing gum, a fidget toy, and other small toys, empowers the child to self-regulate.

3.      Choose your view. You can either attempt to run from the storm (deny it’s going to happen), be defiant in the face of it (make unreasonable demands of the child thereby creating more dysregulation), or embrace it, knowing that afterward a rainbow will come (love the child through it).

Once the storm is over, ask the child leading questions. Ask what you can do to help, and what could be done differently next time. Then always, always celebrate small victories. A little praise goes a long way. Acknowledging how difficult some situations are validates the child’s efforts. And remember, when the storm is over—it’s over!

So how do you handle your child’s storms? How can you help turn the storms in life into an adventure of self-regulation?

Kayla J.W. Marnach is the author of the Can-Do Kids Series, picture books that help parents, caregivers, teachers, and counselors have the toughest of conversations with children.