3 Ways to Keep Joy Alive
- By Kayla J.W. Marnach
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- 10 Dec, 2018
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Perfectionism steals your joy
Looking at the photos, can you tell which photo is the Microsoft screensaver and which is the one I took? It’s of the same spot in Antelope Canyon, Arizona, at a slightly different angle.
Our guide told us of this famous spot and I really, really liked mine until I looked up Microsoft’s view, and then I started nitpicking mine. What I felt was a good photo—I really thought it was great—was no longer good enough.
It’s disturbingly easy to fall into a comparison trap. Things are going well, you’re happy with your job, your partner has a steady job, your kids are all passing in school. Life is rocking along, and then you hear a friend just got a raise, someone’s spouse won a European trip, or a friend’s child is recognized for an award. Then suddenly you feel like things aren’t so good. The second guessing begins, and dissatisfaction creeps into your daily thoughts. Perfectionism and frustration takes up residency, and then one day you realize nothing is “good enough” and it’s hard to find joy in your life.
Joy is a state of being. Happiness is circumstantial and transitory, it is event-based and short lived. Remember that regardless of what is happening around you, you can feel joy when you change your focus and attitude. It’s a choice (I’m big on choices).
The best way to ditch perfectionism and bring joy to your life is to:
1. Replace the negative thought with a positive one. No matter how minor, find something to be joyful or thankful about in the situation. You can’t stop a negative thought, you must replace it with a positive one.
2. Let it go and move on. No one knows what goes on behind other’s closed doors, so don’t compare other’s situation with yours. You can only control what you can act on. Consider your options, do your best and move on.
3. Understand and accept we are all a work in progress. By extending grace and mercy to yourself and others, you will no longer harbor resentment and frustration, which brings more joy than you think.
The photo I shot is good enough. It’s good enough to capture the fact that I was there. It’s good enough that it allows me to recall the wonderful feeling of new experiences with my family. And that brings me joy because I treasure those memories and experience.
So what comparison trap have you fallen into? What makes you feel less than? What has stolen your joy? Now acknowledging that, what steps will you take to change that perspective or situation, and choose joy?
Because abuse has no boundaries, nothing is more important than protecting our children. As many as 93% of the victims under the age of 18 know the abuser. Because there is no “typical” abuser, it can happen to any child in any circumstance at any time. It happens to children of the elite and well-educated, as well as the latch-key kids of struggling parents. It can happen at daycare, a friend’s home, or even under our own roof. It occurs in the exclusive neighborhoods, as well as in middle-class areas, and poverty districts. If you think it doesn’t happen in your area, then you are leaving your child vulnerable to become the next victim.
Yet, even when we do what we believe is right, our child can still be abused either mentally, physically , or emotionally. Sometimes we fail, not because we didn’t try, but because we didn’t know any better, are uninformed, or choose to avoid the topic because it’s not easy to talk about. We don’t know how to make the discussion of body boundaries a part of our daily conversation or how to take advantage of teachable moments.
That naivety and avoidance must stop…today.
As parents and caregivers, it is our responsibility—one we must never shirk—to educate ourselves on how to communicate with our children about body boundaries and what to do if abuse is threatened or occurs. When abuse is discovered, we must not shut down in shame, fear, or anger. We can’t go back and undo the event, so we must learn and move forward with greater awareness and armed with tools to prevent reoccurrence. We must be willing to provide whatever our child requires to equip them to understand, accept, and learn they are not to blame for what happened.
Today is the day to make a difference in your child’s life or a child in your care. By your commitment to protect, educate, and empower each child, you are providing a priceless treasure.
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